Before I start about inner child, I want y’all to be doing something for me. Share my posts if they make sense to you. Share, comment, critic, and just indulge. Why? Because as creatives, we get motivated by such acts and our pages gain traffic because of that. I handle deep topics that most people are reluctant to address and sometimes, I need to see people are getting the message. Thank you in advance.
Moving on. Today I wanted a sign to motivate me, and I was sent a link of a phone interview I undertook last month (I shall attach in the comment section). Reading my own words was therapeutic to me and realized, I cannot stop writing, I am doing what matters. You guys see me and I see you.
Let’s delve into inner child. Who is our inner child? Per my understanding, our inner child is the unconscious mind that has suppressed emotions and pain that happened when we were younger.
Initially, I dated without the need of understanding who I was, what did it matter? I just needed someone to love and adore me, right? Wrong. I wanted someone I can save. I wanted someone I can save. I wanted someone who was broken and I can just be there for them. I wanted to be needed. I wanted to be their emotional sponge.
This did not stop in relationships, it transpired to friendships and even social media. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be feared. I just wanted to be recognized. Therefore, before 2017, I was savage. I was a bully. I was reckless with my words. I just wanted to be seen. 2017 happened and I needed to sit back and realize who I was beyond relationships. I left the guy I had and started discovering myself. It was not a straightforward journey as I have painted it, no. It was a struggle since I was a serial monogamist.
2018 is when things started making sense. I saw the pain I had experienced. I saw me as me. I saw everything I was afraid to face. Who was I? I was a scared little girl with need for external validation. I wanted a man or a woman to feel relevant. I wanted someone beside me to know I matter. However, I did not need something good, I wanted something toxic and dramatic. Right? Yes.
2019 has been that year that has startled me from the slumber. I have had to face myself. To seek therapeutic help and read more about myself. Who was I? Why did I act the way I did? Who am I without a person? What do I enjoy on my own? It has been challenging knowing that beyond the persona people see, there was always that little girl who craved for her parents’ attention. That girl who had been an emotional sponge for her parents’ simultaneously. That little girl who believed that being selfless is good even when you are clearly hurting. That girl who was mad at being abandoned by her father. I always knew boyfriends did not break me. I always blamed my father for my brokenness.
2020 has been a year that I have had to take accountability for my actions. I have known to say more Nos that I have done in my entire life. I have separated my energy from being a people pleaser. I have recognized I can never save everyone. I have looked at my relationship with my father and realized, he was broken and he projected that on me yet he loved me. He taught me to be authentic. He encouraged me as a dreamer and empowered my expression. I was the only person who could ask him for something and he would give. In all his shortcomings, he made me know how it feels like to be a princess when I was about three years.
We go back to your inner child? Your inner child is that little child who was parented and molded by your guardians. You were told to shut up when trying to express yourself and now you are always hiding your thoughts. You were always called names that you grew up knowing you are not beautiful enough. You saw your parents fighting continuously and that made you angry and now you are always angry at life. You are always self-sabotaging your relationships and progress because you never feel good enough to deserve good things in life. You have emotional numbeness and think it is a trend, but no, you got used to being hurt as a child that you undertook that as a self-defense mechanism.
Your parents projected all the hurt and pain on you and you took that as who you are. That is why you meet hurtful people and when you tell them how their actions affect you, they state “but that is who I am”
Nope. You just have suppressed emotions that need to be process at the level at which they were created. So to work on childhood trauma, you need to visit your inner child. To have self love, you need to touch your inner child.
What do you think so far? We address on how to get in touch with your inner child and what that means in the next write-up. This is important.