Healing , Toxic Relationships
6 Reasons Why you are finding it hard to leave an unhealthy relationship.
Why you are finding it hard to leave an unhealthy relationship is grounded on several factors. Parting ways with someone you care for and love is hard, and it gets difficult when it is an unhealthy relationship. Yesterday, I was conversing with my bestfriend and he asked me if I had seen a story on a lady named Fauzia Shazmeer Jiwan .
This story represents so many of us at one time of our lives. Leaving an unhealthy and toxic relationship can be challenging because of various factors. Besides the typical sadness associated with breaking up, there tends to be issues such as self-esteem, societal shame, what-ifs, history, baggage from the past and so on. Why you find it difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship can be because all these factors result in a super-confusing situation. Regardless of feeling challenged and confused, it is not necessary to remain stuck forever. Therapy is an important thing that can assist you in recognizing an unhealthy situation, and devise ways to move on. Speaking with people who love you can also assist in making the decision simpler. Having honest and gruelsome conversations with yourself is also another way out. Also, building your self-esteem and practising self-love all on your own can create a huge difference too. With that in mind, here are several reasons why leaving an unhealthy relationship can be challenging:
Hope is one of the best gifts yet the most ruthless when in toxic situations whether employment, relationships or friendships. Since most toxic relationships start on a great foot, it makes it shocking when things go south. "You keep encouraging yourself that things will get better, thus, you hold onto the hope that things can be good." Furthermore, one keeps hoping that the good they see in their partner will resurface and everything will be merry and lovely. However, as it turns out, it is highly possible that toxic partners, they are who they are. If they have not changed, regardless of having discussions and heart-to-heart conversations, things are unlikely to improve. Best move on.
Most people equate to history as love. You will often hear, "We have gone through so much together!" Most relationships are held together not by loyalty, love, faithfulness, or respect; rather, history. Furthermore, to cases such as the Fauzia story, one stays because of the history shared among partners. People get comfortable with the familiar and thus, having spent years together, one assumes that they know what makes their partner tick. Therefore, they end up making excuses for their partners leading to them struggling with the idea of leaving.
When one has been raised in a toxic setup, they miscontrue abuse whether emotional, financial, or physical as love. Therefore, they are drawn to environments that feel familiar to them. When you are accustomed to drama, you feel a sense of calm in chaos since they are similar to your childhood or relationships around you. Often, people repeat toxic habits that they might have learned as kids. Therefore, to break such patterns, it is best to seek therapy to start creating healthier patterns in your life.
4. You have invested a lot of Energy
When you have invested massive energy in your relationship- as it is observed with toxic situations- it will be much challenging to let go. The common thought is; "We have already been together for so long, I might as well stay." or "I have invested so much into this relationship, I can't let it fail." It is harder to give up something when you feel you gave your all to it, but it is not an okay reason to stay.
The thought of giving up on a relationship when you do not know your future creates a cloud of uncertainty. Therefore, most people stay in toxic relationships with the haunted question of "What if." What if this works out? What if this was the last relationship for me? What if they were changing? What if I am overreacting? What if I am not good enough for someone else? Such questions haunt most people; thus impacting their self-esteem as well as the energy needed to keep it going. An unhealthy relationship can feel like your everything. For some, being in an unhealthy relationship is better than being single. They better be unhappy with a partner, than on their own. The good thing, it is okay to feel so. However, working on yourself and loving every part of you is way better than being in a sad environment.
6. You Love Fixing Things
Unhealthy relationship demands a ton of work to make it work. It can be challenging to let go of that roles especially when you have the hope that your partner can change. You might be a person who thinks that if you love your partner and give them enough chances, they will stop doing the things that keep messing your relationship. However, you need to remember, "You can only do so much." It is OK to LET GO. Once you master the art of rejecting the fixer role, you will see there are other things in life that can provide satisfaction, apart from fixing a relationship
Bobo's Note: If you see anyone experiencing domestic abuse, call the Usikimye toll free number: (+2540800 000 999) or visit their Facebook page: